Half A Loaf

by Maxshh

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1.
dead and alive synthesize create or die inspire and inquire all I see is blank space making friends for friends but I don't sleep I creep always process of becoming freak
2.
Song For Dad 01:08
tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be tugging at your pantleg another, can we make another mixtape? there's a song that's been bugging round my ear email about it, the chain will last a year I want you know I'll never outgrow the wisdom you shared: "better days ahead"
3.
Song For D&E 01:41
it's easy to move on when one is better than the other I just don't have the courage to figure it out so another autumn waits for September to be May how to tell you later on? I sit across the lawn and watch you cooking in the kitchen your haircut makes a cool silhouette so another winter brings indecision in with spring how to tell you later on? if I'd never moved away maybe we would be okay? should have told you later on
4.
everything I own gets grosser is that bad or good? honest sweat from honest work but also from neglect never takes too long or much to cornerize my stuff honestly I just don't care enough
5.
loving yourself as you forgetting what you want wanting what you've got purely what you need the only thing that's guiding you to light from dark no distance too long on a steady road there's no turning back now finding yourself anew trust in who you are finalize your thoughts thinking what to be perfect time to let your spirit go alone no distance too long on a steady road there's no turning back now
6.
Song For EZ 03:12
7.
Not Just So 03:35
only way out is thru who even cares? can't wait another five years burning candles, chasing takes if it's done today it'll probably sound the same used to fry the egg now I'm not even looking at it immeasurable time and effort to get it just so just so someone might mutter "whoa" a lotta effort just to raise some eyebrows wanna change the arrangement doesn't really matter try again for the millionth time doesn't really matter plink, plink, plink
8.
reasons to be good or excuses to be bad more clever to comply by not tugging at the slack important to be smart but more fun to be dumb you can call forward doublebackward with aplomb wisdom of a kid fidelity of a friend something to abide by, embody, and transcend whatever happens it's easy to explain everything is stupid and that's ok your brain will get huge and then it'll shrink it doesn't really matter if you blink or if you wink whatever happens it's easy to explain everything is stupid and that's ok
9.
did a doodle for a new tattoo I frame myself, I am the fool if I'm crouching in a corner melting in malaise take the turkey from the fridge and put it on a plate try to sneak away in secret someday to visit on the weekend we can stay awake all night and turn split ends to braids if you want to hopefully a birthday will come soon wish for a million free balloons I could bake a buncha brownies or house of gingerbread you could leave an earring on the sidetable by my bed try to sneak away in secret someday to visit on the weekend we can stay awake all night and turn split ends to braids if you want to
10.
New RX 00:52
can't concentrate for a minute I can't compete without speed it's almost over now I'm barely hangin on try to do the best that I can before it's gone
11.
just drive away chase imagination blissed out, buried in there beginnings are the only happy endings to act is to be committed to danger in fruitful communion with the void crowded aisles, Sunday best in front of me, the virus behind, terrifying truth sound the siren, shut the storm door inevitable ruin all around face, body, fur plunged over the edge of the table just turn around make futile all endeavors hush every excruciating second beginnings are the only happy endings anyone capable of strong feeling should be capable of surviving its effects

about

music vid for "Glob" -- www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR9QiJC-Aws

written, recorded, and performed by max goldstein
mostly during the first weekish of coronavirus quarantine, march 19-27 2020. mixed and mastered remotely by Andy Casella / Shape Recording

saxophone on “alien” by raef sengupta
lyrics for "alien" borrowed from spiritual advisor @madalienation

But the origin of this music goes beyond just holing up during a pandemic. In the fall 2019, I had miraculously lined up an artist’s residency in Los Angeles for March 2020. In order to prepare/orient for this, Andy and I worked pretty tirelessly to mix/finish nearly every outstanding recorded project gathering digital dust on my hard drive (there was a lot). I also wrote a whole new batch of bangers specifically w this incredible opportunity in mind. To find/achieve isolation and contemplation for my “solo music” was and is still such a novelty and blessing that it seemed imperative to dream up my ultimate magnum opus—shreddy shoegaze w bleep bloops and big harmonies etc. ykno the deal

Of course not long after arriving in LA (I drove from Massachusetts w all my gear hopelessly crammed in my car), the coronavirus hysteria gained traction, and my circumstances in California quickly accelerated from residency cancellation to impending lockdown or even abject uncertainty. After only a few days of setting up and another few days of anxious thumb-twiddling and hair-pulling, I realized I had to schlep back east. P much as soon as I left, the city did indeed upgrade to “shelter in place” so that’s a boon I guess.

So 6000 miles/90ish driving hours later, I’m back home, where I rent a practice space remarkably if not infuriatingly similar to the one for which I had just crossed the continent. In spite of feeling utterly exhausted and defeated by circumstance, I figure there’s no better way to ride out a quarantine than to set up all my drums/amps/mics/etc AGAIN and get recording. But for *some* reason, my ultimate, sweeping megastatement album didn’t seem as exciting/inspiring as when I had left.

In fact, I really wanted to make something that reflected the total insanity of my previous two weeks. Not just the two punishing solo cross-country drives and profound disappointment of the residency dissolution, but also the peace and insight gained from so much time alone. I saw so much of this crazy country, including some truly breathtaking views in the Rockies and southwest, and (corny alert) I caught up w old friends and made new ones. Even tho it was ultimately the most circuitous way to end up in my original practice room, I’m still super grateful for the privilege to roam for two weeks.

Musically, I also needed a win. One of the records Andy and I completed before my trip was actually my first solo album. I had been “working" (read: fastidiously tweaking) on it intermittently for nearly 6 years, which really means I was piling more and more crazy layers on the same 12ish angsty songs from college days. In fact, after "playing in bands” for so long, I was stupidly sweating how to release solo music. The same sorta-misguided impulse to write maximum-tilt Maxshh music for my residency suggested to me that my DebutAlbum should be some superincubated encyclopedia of anything. Basically a curated and coddled compulsion towards maximalism. Of course, I am super proud of that record and excited to release it soooon, but I basically designed that project so that no aspect of it would ever be breezy. So immediately tackling my otherwise most ambitious material was daunting enough before Viruscation2020. Instead of dreaming up more fakakte process-laden textures (or lining up every bleepbloop one at a time), I just wanted to hit some drums and strum some guitar. So I aimed to write and record whatever came to mind as quickly and efficiently as possible. And to embrace simple pious goodies, like Guitar Solos™. However, I’m still me, so things still got kinda involved at times (lookin@ Glob & Vet lol). But I can confidently state there are some first takes here :)

Reflecting on these tunes during and after recording, I realize it feels so good to make music like this; i.e. in this manner, but also of this style. To let offthecuff sugarpop usurp electroEdgelord, to make my first impression “nice” rather than “challenging.” Lyrically and musically, it’s all tribute to various people & eras in my past. Not just a Song for [my] Dad, but songs like the ones I loved with my dad when I was younger. It makes so much sense to begin where I begin, and I’m pretty positive we would’ve dug this album back in our mixtape days. Another “noDuh” revelation was to record/mix/release in one gesture. I recognize that’s how most everyone makes records, but I’ve never worked on one that didn’t suffer from an indefinite interim period. So it was important if not downright experimental to push this one to the front of the queue.

Anyway, that’s just a lot of context for declaring: a few of these songs are for contemplating vast ancient southwestern beauty, some are for blasting down the highway w the windows wide open, but generally they’re just about using the righteous power of good ol rocknroll to offer vitality and inspiration in these trying times.

Happy listening // wash your hands // don’t forget to stretch, drink water, and listen to Hella every day,

--Maxshh

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released May 8, 2020

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Maxshh Hadley, Massachusetts

don't forget to stretch, drink water, and listen to Hella every day

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